JUST ADD IT UP, DECLAN

We set the alarm for Friday morning as we were to trek to the nearest Aircoach stop, return to the airport, rent our little car and drive to Kilkenny with a few stops along the way.  We found the nearby bus stop easily, Aircoach drove directly to the airport--providing free wireless all the way.  Finding the car rental agency was tricky but do-able and, as this scene opens, BC is watching over the luggage and I'm standing in line with our car rental folder clutched in my hand.  I hate to rent cars, but feel very prepared for this match of wills.

Oh!  My turn already.  I approach the counter and meet Declan.  He's young, fresh-faced, has an air of innocence, but I've spotted the avarice in his eyes.  Declan works on commission.

Good Morning!  I have a reservation.  Yes, a four-door economy car.  Yes, a Nissan Micra will be great.  Yes, we'll return it on Thursday, the 25th.  (Umm, I think to myself, this is going quite well.)

Return the car empty and purchase a tank of gas now?  No.  Thank you, but we'll just fill up when we're close to the airport.  No.  I understand the concept, but we'll just return it full.  No. Really, we'll return it full; we promise.  Really.  I'm sure.  Calm down, Declan, we'll accept that "Fuel Purchase Option" after all.  Just add it on.  Yes, I understand.  We'll return it as empty as is humanly possible.  We'll push it here if we have to.  Let's move on, Declan, we're only here for a couple of weeks.

Yes, we'll both be driving the car.  Yes, I understand there's a daily charge for that, but we do belong to AAA, we're preferred H---- customers and we have...  Oh.  Oh, I see.  And that charge will be?  That's a lot Declan.  Have you checked that figure?  Oh.  OK...just add that on to your list.

There's an additional charge because we're picking this up at the airport?  Of course there is; I knew that.  That's why we're picking it up here, Declan.  No, no, not really.  Just kidding, Declan.  Gives me something to do while you add up those figures. 

CDW?  Collision Damage Waiver?  Just a minute, Declan.  My credit card--a World Mastercard--will be the primary insurer for this car under their Master Rental plan.  All I have to do is charge the entire rental on their card.  Here's their letter explaining that; you might want to read it.  Yes, you can see that they know this is Ireland.  Yes, right here--see, they're providing this coverage in Ireland.  Yes, Declan, I do have the actual Rental Contract.  Would you like to read that?  It's pretty clear and understandable.  Declan, you're speaking so fast I can't understand a word you're saying.  What do you mean you won't accept this?   Are you saying NO??  Why are you saying NO?  Declan, you're making no sense.  Look Declan, we don't need CDW per Mastercard and Rick Steves, BUT we will need liability per our insurance company.  Liability, Declan!  Would you like to sell some liability? Declan?

In the back of my head, I know that renting a car in Ireland and/or Spain is tricky.  Ireland has proven to be bigger than I am and BC is simply shaking his head.  Even Rick Steves said it's sometimes just easier to grit your teeth and accept the CDW.

My teeth are not only gritted, they're clenched.  OK, Declan.  We'll accept the CDW.  How much is that going to be?  No, wait.  Don't tell me.  Just let me be surprised later.  What was that again?  The CDW still leaves a gap of $1200 that we're responsible for?  That's OK, we'll take that risk, Declan.  We can handle $1200.  Purchase insurance for the $1200 at $10 per day?  No, I don't think so.  We'll just take our chances.  Thank you, anyway.  You have to put a hold on my credit card for $1200?  Because we didn't take the insurance?  OK, Declan.  You put that hold on there.  That's fine.  You go for it.

What's that Declan?  My credit card won't accept the charge?  What do you mean, Declan?  They're refusing the charges?  My World Mastercard knows we're in Ireland.  My World Mastercard knows we're renting a car here.  My World Mastercard has been my friend since 1990.  My World Mastercard is saying NO?  WHAT DID YOU SAY TO THEM, DECLAN?  This is your fault, you know.  Give me that World Mastercard, Declan.  Here's a Signature VISA card.  Use it!  It worked?  That's good, Declan.  Are we finished now?  Where's our car, Declan?  Thank you.  Well...maybe not a pleasure, but we have our temporary car.

BC!  Where's our car?  Are you sure?  You're kidding, right?  You're positive?  BC!  It's a wreck.  We're at H---- and they just rented us a wreck?!?  Where are you going?  Whoa...BC is irritated.  BC just grabbed a guy in a H---- shirt and is dragging him to the car.  BC is pointing to damages on the car.  The guy is quickly filling out the diagram of the car showing scratches, dents and scrapes.  It's taking a long time.  He finally signs the diagram and tells us to keep it until we turn the car back in.  I put it in the glove compartment beside the H---- Accident Kit ("Not to be opened until after the accident").  I'm feeling dirty and violated.  BC is feeling angry.  The 2009 Nissan Micra with 88,000 miles on it is feeling it's age.  The gear shift has just come apart in BC's hand.

AND, THE ADVENTURE BEGINS